Rain fascinates me. It brings to me thoughts that I don’t pay attention to usually. Just feels like yesterday when I was this stupid, immature little girl, a big mouth, sitting with legs wide open and a perpetual extrovert (sex no bar). And then a heavy shower washed her away and refined me. Now i take decisions wisely. There is introspection and retrospection, practicality. I don’t see a person and immediately feel affinity or affection. There’s judging and analyzing the scope of ‘us’. Placing the pros and cons on a weighing machine is the only spontaneous actions I apparently take.
Knowing that my dreams are just dreams and life is harsher. That before covering myself in clothes I need to discuss the dimensions with others. And serving to ‘others’ leads to eventual loss of self. And then I wonder if refinement means complexity and becoming older means coming closer to truth. That knowing nothing is dumb and knowing too much lethal.
The changes in me made me a pre-programmed calculator. And I miss the spontaneity. The life. There is nothing similar I share with that little girl but thank god, rain still fascinates me.